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Is Love About Breaking Down Someone’s Walls?

January 21, 2020

  A client had this insight the other day: “I always deep-down assumed that if I kind of locked people out, and then someone would try very hard to break down my defenses, that that meant that they loved me”. It was a profound moment (the quote is my paraphrasing of what she said).   […]

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3 Keys to Thriving as an Empath

January 12, 2020

As an empath you need boundaries, boundaries and more boundaries to thrive. Yet boundaries are probably the thing you are least inclined to develop because you just want to connect, you love being in the flow, you don’t want to upset anyone and you don’t want to exclude anyone who feels lonely, sad or abandoned. […]

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What are the Differences between Highly Sensitive People and Empaths?

December 28, 2019

The easiest way to think about the differences is to think of “empaths” as a smaller subset of “Highly Sensitive People”. This is not 100% accurate, but good enough as a rule of thumb. So, both empaths and HSPs have a more sensitive nervous system. Both pick up on more subtle cues from people. The […]

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Are You Feeling Completely Stuck?

December 7, 2019

  Sometimes you can be doing all the right things. And yet, no matter how much you try, no matter how much expert advice you follow, it’s like you keep getting thrown into the same stuck place. Every single time. You get stuck. Feel frozen in the same creepy Groundhog Day scenario. Jammed into the same […]

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Why Popular Empath Tools Make Your Overwhelm, Exhaustion and Confusion Worse

November 25, 2019

Google and you will find. Or at least, you’ll find something. I think it’s great that people want to help each other and share tools and processes. What is not so great is when those tools and processes are ineffective, badly explained, or not suited to the problem at hand.   “But why is this […]

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Extroverted? Here are 9 Tips on how to be Quiet and Reflective (and more intuitive!)

November 1, 2019

This article started as a “sure, why not?” response to the tweet below… Just once I’d like to see an article like “Extroverted? Here’s Some Tips on How to Be Quiet and Reflective” https://t.co/jOhLJKZuT3 — Tom & Lorenzo (@tomandlorenzo) August 29, 2019   I fired off one tweet to start: I have a tip. I […]

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Five Common Misunderstandings About Empaths

October 24, 2018

1. I am intuitive, I know things about people… therefore I am an empath. Nope. There are different ways to “know” things. There are different forms of intuition and psychic abilities, being an empath is just one of those options. Empaths feel energy. Other psychic gifts can be connected to different senses: knowing things, somehow. […]

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What does Being Empathic Really Mean?

February 22, 2018

Google says it’s: showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another. “an attentive, empathic listener”. Makes sense, right? So then, what being empathic really means is understanding and sharing other people’s feelings. It sounds logical, yet when you look more closely, the processes that underpin empathic listening can be very diverse. So, let’s take […]

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What if you’re in Love with an Empath?

February 19, 2018

On a recent Clarity Call, this question came up. Thinking about it after the call, I realised I have a lot more to say on this, so here goes. Situational sketch: you’re in love with an empath, but nothing is actually happening. You’ve known this man (or woman) for months now, you see each other […]

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Thinking Backwards versus Moving Forward

July 31, 2011

I’m not sure why, but I notice that I, and I think most of us, tend to think backwards. When something happens in our lives, we tend to go back in time to figure out why this event took place. “Was it something I said to Mary?” “Was it because I should’ve gone to a […]

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Staying in the I of the Storm

August 2, 2011

When things get frantic, we often respond with more activity. Instead, try to stay in the eye of the storm. In the middle of any chaotic energy there is a place of stillness and peace. That place should be you. When we can tap into our ability to stay in the ‘I of the storm’ […]

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The Happy Sensitive Painter: Therapy Art versus Inspirational Art

November 6, 2011

There are many reasons why I dropped out of art school. One of them was that more and more, it felt like group therapy with unwilling and unqualified therapists. Don’t get me wrong. Yet, once that “flow” is activated, it will also take you to places you don’t necessarily know how to handle. Years ago […]

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Activate your HSP Leadership Skills: 5 Practical Angles on Leading Group Meetings the Sensitive Way

September 7, 2011

Elaine Aron has identified Sensitives as being the “royal advisors”, the “visionaries” of society. Many Highly Sensitive People identify with the role of the researcher, consultant, and gentle therapist, BUT is there an important sensitive capacity that we are overlooking? Reading Justin Menkes’ “Heightened Sensitivity: Why It’s Such a Critical Leadership Component” I decided it […]

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Why Trying Hard Can Disempower You as a Sensitive Person

March 2, 2013

As a Highly Sensitive Person, you can get into a really sticky mode of overwhelm. When we’re stuck in a negative environment, and are chronically overwhelmed, we often turn to habits that further disempower us in an attempt to manage stress on a day to day basis. When you try really hard to make things […]

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HSP’s & Healing: Is Busting Through Inner Blocks Necessary?

April 26, 2013

Do we need a lot of pushing and prodding to heal, achieve goals and move forward? Does it work? Is it helpful? What about an alternative? I’ve been pondering this topic this week: I think a gentler, more HSP-friendly alternative is often overlooked. More on that in the video.  

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Beyond Forgiveness – because forgiveness doesn’t necessarily help HSPs

June 20, 2013

Forgiveness is a tricky business, not least of all because it’s often used/promoted as a “quick-fix” or as a way to avoid dealing with the raw emotions of a situation (“just forgive and move on!”). As HSPs, we are often already extremely gifted at seeing the situation through the other person’s eyes, so much so, […]

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What are Energy Vampires or Emotional Vampires Really? Beyond the hype

March 31, 2019

I see the topic of emotional vampires or energy vampires come up SO much now in articles, books, videos. It’s everywhere! Yet, what I also see is that in discussing this topic, a lot of different things get mashed together into one big blob of “aaargh, it’s toxic!” and that is not helpful, for anyone. […]

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5 Ways to Deal with Your Feelings Without Having To

February 28, 2019

There are a lot of ways of dealing with your feelings without actually dealing with them. Let me count the ways!     1 – Suppressing them   You seal them in a tiny black box and never look at them again. The problem? They’re still there. It’s like taking all your bills and dumping […]

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Empaths in Dating and Relationships [podcast]

March 31, 2015

  Some of the most common empath concerns that I often hear are: The fear of being completely engulfed by the energy of the other person Struggling to set self-care boundaries Losing your own sense of identity How to stop picking partners who mostly need a therapist, not a lover (!) In the hour podcast […]

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HSP Purpose: Finding it Without Stressing About it [podcast]

August 3, 2015

Oh, that magical thing called purpose! It’s all over the internet these days it seems… and, for us Highly Sensitive People, purpose is important, because doing something meaningful matters deeply to us. Yet, it’s also easy to get stressed out about it unnecessarily. Will you find your purpose? Are you on purpose? What is your […]

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