Are You Feeling Completely Stuck?

 

Sometimes you can be doing all the right things. And yet, no matter how much you try, no matter how much expert advice you follow, it’s like you keep getting thrown into the same stuck place. Every single time. You get stuck. Feel frozen in the same creepy Groundhog Day scenario. Jammed into the same corner. It’s like an invisible prison!

So much so that you may give up! You stop trying. You stop doing All The Useful Things. It’s understandable. And in fact, not doing All the Useful Things is a good move. Yet, obviously, that in itself won’t really get you anywhere. Now you just feel stuck and without a plan!

 

drawing of person stuck between a rock and a hard place

 

But what if, this is the best “sign” your body was able to give you? And it’s just that, without the right context, you don’t know how to take it from there.

Sometimes we get what I call Soul Stuck. Logically, psychologically, assertively, go-getterishly you’re doing everything right, but your soul is stuck in a rut.

This can happen because of (old) trauma. Your deeper energy self gets stuck on repeat. It just can’t get past a particular groove, no matter how much you try to get yourself out of that situation.

 

What to do when your soul feels stuck

 

When you feel completely stuck, it’s important to ease up on the “just do this, and this, and this” pressure, and instead turn within and try something radically new.

What if, your soul is getting stuck in the same place over and over, because you’re holding a lot of old trauma energy in your body? All those old thoughts and feelings and stuck impressions are blasting out that old tune. You’re trying to sing your favorite song, the one you believe in most, the one that symbolises all your dreams, but every time you open your mouth, your soul keeps belting out I’M A SCATMAN!!! BEEEBOPBOPBODIEBOOP!

Sure, it’s a funky tune. Maybe you even kinda like it. BUT NOT ALL DAY LONG.

Also, there is too much gibberish. You’re tired of the gibberish. You’re trying to go left, not go “woop”, you’re trying to get it together, not “billeboop”.

You’re hoping that your soul is trying to say “This is my message to you”. So you lean in, you really try to listen, but then all you hear is BEEEBOPDEEBOLLABOP.

It’s frustrating. So maybe you stop listening altogether.

Don’t do that though. Listen in a different way.

Listen for the experience that is on repeat. It can be an outward “thing” or it can be a feeling. So, it could be that every time you try to sit down at a group table, someone snatches the last seat right in front of you, and you need to stand. More likely though, it will be like that only one time, another time it will be something else that makes you feel the same way.

Most of the time, it’s not specific situations on repeat, it’s emotions. These are emotions that first happened way back when (in a big way).

 

Why ignoring the stuckness won’t help

 

A lot of people seem to think that if you don’t feel something, the feeling just disappears. Ignore it and it goes away, right?

Except it doesn’t. It just sits there in your “downloads” folder, eating up space. Your own emotions only disappear when you feel them fully.

Feeling something fully doesn’t mean talking about the situation or thinking about how it made you feel. It means actually feeling it. Your focus needs to be in your body, not in your head.

(I know that’s easy to say but not really possible to do based on just a few lines in this article. It deserves a thorough explanation, with action steps. Which is why, I dedicated a whole section in the Happy Sensitive Library to how to deal with “difficult feelings“)

When our soul gets stuck in an old groove, often it’s because that experience that we don’t want is an expression of a whole bunch of old downloads.

Your soul is essentially saying: for us to move forward, you have to clear out the downloads folder. You have to empty out the cupboard. There is no space to put any new experiences. There’s isn’t even a drawer left to put in a sock-sized bit of what you want!

So those feelings keep showing up in the form of an experience that you don’t want to have. It’s not to punish you, it’s to give you an opportunity to really feel the feelings deeply.

Now, as easy as this sounds in theory, it’s actually pretty hard in practice. That’s because this doesn’t happen with the feelings you know how to feel. Those are relatively easy.

 

Why being Soul Stuck is (really) hard

 

It happens with the feelings that you never really learned to own. You don’t know what to do with them. You’re afraid of them. You ignore them. You pushed them down so deep that you don’t even know you have them. You may not even recognize them as feelings when they do show up!

So finding them takes quite some digging. And then feeling them often takes:

  • understanding why you’re scared of feeling this emotion
  • receiving a new understanding of why this emotion is there and what it’s trying to tell you
  • learning how to process this feeling fully so it stops haunting you and you can finally have the experience you do want.

Otherwise, you’ll keep ending up in Scatman situations.

You think you’re saying “no” to the Scatman, but by ignoring him, you end up enabling him. So before you can even take any of these steps, you need to take the recurring experience serious enough to ask:

  • What exactly is it that keeps on happening?
  • How does this make me feel when it happens?
  • What if this feeling runs much deeper than I realise? What if it’s more important than I realise and not something I can just brush aside?

So this means you need to quit the “It will be fine” “I’ll manage” and “I’m sure it’ll sort itself out”. If you don’t mind the past being stuck on repeat, then sure, you’ll manage. But if you want a new experience, then you need to take this as a serious sign that something needs to be deeply, and uncomfortably felt before you can move forward.

You’ll know you’re on the right track when you get to a point of “oh my gosh, I never realised this actually hurt this much! I always figured I could handle this o.k. and didn’t actually need anything…And come to think of it, this happened before!” Now you’re on to something.

Just remember, talking about it is not the same as feeling it. You need to move the socks, not just talk about them. The past pain that hurt the most, and that is still stuck in your body, is typically also the pain you have the most stories about “not having a problem with”. So if you keep telling yourself that you can handle X just fine, but X keeps showing up and you can’t seem to get around it, that’s a sign that there may be (much) more to X than you realise.

ski-ba-bop-ba-dop-bop

 

P.S. To help you truly process these old painful emotional experiences it’s really helpful to:

  1. Understand why it makes total sense that your instinct is to run away from tough emotions.
  2. Get a whole new understanding of how these feelings are actually trying to help you.
  3. Know the action steps for letting your emotions help you – so that they will dissipate.

(Tough emotions dissipate when their message is truly received! Talk therapists will sometimes have you believe that you can “figure that out” in your head and that getting your thoughts in order is all that needs to be done, but that’s not the case at all. The proof is in the pudding. As long as an experience is stuck on repeat, you have not processed all there is to process and/or not processed it in the way that it needs to be processed. You may have spent a lot of time talking about that pudding, but you never actually ate it, so it’s still sitting there on the table)

This is a really tricky topic and there is so little truly useful info out there on difficult feelings. So so many “teachers” are still super judgy of “negative'” feelings, telling you there are things you’re not supposed to feel. Even though that just makes the problem worse! Tons of people are worried that having a “bad” feeling means that they are a bad person. But that’s not true at all!

So, I created a whole series of detailed audios on how to understand and deal with all kinds of difficult emotions. You can find these audios here inside the Happy Sensitive Library. All materials in the Library are accessible with a straightforward Library Membership which you can set up here if you don’t have it yet.

 

Everybody’s saying that the Scatman stutters
But doesn’t ever stutter when he sings
But what you don’t know, I’m gonna tell you right now
That the stutter and the scat is the same thing

The stutter is the scat. The stuckness is the way out.

 

Getting to the core of stuckness is scary. You can end up “trying” but not getting all the way to the core on your own. Like you’re trying to swim upstream and you’re just not strong enough to fight the current. That’s because your old fear mechanisms are trying to protect you by pushing you away from the cause of the pain.

All in all, this can be an exhausting process. Especially on your own!

I work with a lot of clients who have done all they could in therapy, or on their own. They notice that they can go so much further when there is someone to guide them through and that my processes are quite different from therapy, we go a lot deeper. Underneath the things they truly believed they had “dealt with” already, we access the stuck layers of experience they had no idea were still there. This creates a powerful positive shift in their experience. If that sounds like a relief (to not have to continue struggling on your own) – set up a Clarity Call with me here so we can talk.

(Or if we’ve worked together before, skip right ahead to a Clear the Way session at the bottom of my coaching page . It’s normal to hit a wall in your self-development work from time to time, no matter how smart and capable you are.  Chances are, you’re simply ready to learn some new profound things!)

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