Why Popular Empath Tools Make Your Overwhelm, Exhaustion and Confusion Worse

Google and you will find. Or at least, you’ll find something.

I think it’s great that people want to help each other and share tools and processes. What is not so great is when those tools and processes are ineffective, badly explained, or not suited to the problem at hand.

 

“But why is this so bad?” you might think. “After all, sharing any and all tools and processes with as many people as possible is a wonderful thing, right?”

Hmm. Rewind to a frustrating highschool day just for a minute. There was some problem you weren’t getting. Some task you didn’t grasp. Maybe a teacher explained it for a few minutes, but you still didn’t get it. Then a friend tried, and you still didn’t get it.

Did you remain positive and confident that one day you’d understand? Or did, with every failed explanation, you lose hope that you’d ever be good at this subject at all?

Exactly.

I still remember the many frustrating times in highschool when I tried so hard to understand physics. The teacher we had didn’t try very hard. He’d basically set us a task and then zone out at the front of the class – who knows what he was doing behind his laptop.

At home, my dad would – if I dared ask – give me a 2 hour lecture way beyond my comprehension to help me “get it”. All it did was make me hate physics more.

I decided pretty quickly that physics was impossible for me to understand. I dropped the class at the first opportunity.

 

 

Looking back now, I wonder how much more I might have understood had I had a better teacher.

Unhelpful explanations and misconstrued theories are not innocent. They can wreck your confidence in your ability to learn and get good at something.

Not only may an explanation simply be wrong. It can also be framed in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Learning difficult things is a very personal affair. It’s important to have things explained to you in a way that suits your learning style and fits your inner world.

When it comes to empath tools, there are a few problems on this front. For starters:

 

 

Most people have a fuzzy definition of empaths, including most teachers. They include a lot of very different types of people under this one label.

This is like calling all footwear simply a “shoe” and making no distinction between shoes for an evening out, shoes for rock-climbing and shoes for running. If you wear a rock-climbing shoe on an evening out, you’re in big trouble (rock climbing shoes are too small on purpose and actually painful to walk in, because they’re meant for climbing, not walking).

If someone is describing a technique for running shoes, but you try it in high heels, you’ll end up in a lot of pain (unless you’re Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

 

 

Your abilities and traits are not shoes, but they might as well be. They are how you move through the world. It’s important that the techniques make sense for your particular shoe. Also, you don’t want prince charming to wrestle your comfi bare foot into a climbing shoe just because he thinks climbing shoes are the best thing since white horses. No matter how good his marketing is, that experience will hurt.

So, what I see happening a lot is that a healer figured out something about their own shoe. Yet, they have no idea which kind of shoes they own, so they just say: “Hey, I discovered an amazing thing about shoes!” Then they give you instructions for their particular shoes, without checking what kinds of shoes you’re actually wearing.

You follow their advice, and you end up trying to climb a wall in your sandals. Not going to work. Then you beat yourself up for failing. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this? Why is none of this helping? Why am I feeling worse instead of better?”

You can’t do it because you are wearing a different kind of shoe than you instructor is. That’s it.

And that is the cause of a lot of stress and exhaustion for people running from one class to the next, and never finding something that really works for them.

And that is also why I spend significant time first getting clear with a client on what kind of energy shoes they are wearing, before telling them which kind of approach will help.

All teachers have the job of getting clear on what exactly they are equiped to teach. This is always a work in progress, but it’s very important. And it’s important to keep homing in and specifying further what you know / don’t know and how you can help / can’t help.

If you meet someone who believes they have all the answers – for everything, you can be sure they have none.

 

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