Empaths who visit my site sometimes wonder: “Wait, where are all the programmes for empaths? Why is there only 1 programme for empaths specifically? Surely, there must be a whole host of specialised services for empaths, right? If it’s not built for empaths, then what use would it be for me?”
This points to a common confusion, namely, that if you are different in one way, you are different in all ways. Yet, the reality is both more complicated, and more simple than that!
Imagine a computer with a WiFi option (and imagine this being the 90’s, so WiFi is superduper special). The WiFi is amazing. It can do amazing things. However, apart from that WiFi, that computer will be just like any other computer. You can type up a word document, edit a photo, organise files, get locked out when you forget your password, etc etc.
Your computer will be similar to other computers, it’s just the WiFi that really stands out.
On the other hand, since there are a lot of different computers out there, this also means that there are many more options than having a computer “with or without WiFi”. Someone who doesn’t care for WiFi might argue that their computer stands out due to the outstanding graphics, or the speed of processing. In other words, there are lots of variables besides just WiFi.
What does this have to do with being an empath?
As an empath, you have energy WiFi. However, apart from that you’re probably also an HSP much like other HSPs (or maybe you’re not! Perhaps your empath WiFi is the only form of noticeable sensitivity that you really have, that’s possible too).
So the way I look at it, when you have empath WiFi, obviously you need to know how to use it. Yet, that doesn’t mean that everything about you is about WiFi! Right? It’s just that, if your WiFi is going nuts, it may seem like that is THE thing that defines you.
So what I’m trying to say here is that you are a unique “mix” of different kinds of sensitivity. If you’re an empath, then that is one kind of sensitivity (with many possible kinds of variations – but let’s leave that out for now so as not to over-complicate things). Apart from your empath WiFi you’ll also have other traits that non-empaths can relate to. And the list of those things may be much longer than you think!
This is why I don’t have a long list of programmes for empaths. My thinking is: your WiFi is out of control. So, let’s get that sorted. Yet, WiFi doesn’t explain everything.
If you spill water on your computer because your hands shake, that is not a WiFi problem.
If you keep losing files, that is not a WiFi problem. If the type keys of your keyboard get stuck because they are sticky from brownie crumbs, that is not a WiFi problem.
So when I work with clients, the first thing I do is identify the main “bottleneck”. The kind of issue that is creating most problems and needs solving first. Sometimes it’s the WiFi. Other times it’s that they don’t know how to clean up old files, or save a document as a PDF. Or say no to a toxic person in their life, or focus on what makes them happy more.
Many empaths get confused about what are empath WiFi issues, and what is other HSP stuff. So let me give you some empath and HSP examples:
Empath (WiFi issues):
- emotional overwhelm even though someone doesn’t share their burdens with you out loud.
- getting tired just being around someone
- feeling down and deflated -suddenly- and seemingly for no reason
- beating up on yourself for making mistakes only when you’re around a particular person (and that criticism is typically their M.O., not yours)
HSP
- emotional overwhelm because someone won’t stop yapping at you about something you find tiresome to listen to.
- getting tired because you find someone incredibly boring and uninspiring to be with, or exhausting to hang out with because they are constantly making noise, running around and creating a mess.
- feeling down and deflated because you’re constantly being criticised.
- Being critical of yourself because you want to do everything perfectly all the time.
Back to computers. You know those apps on your phone that run in the background? They can eat up your phone’s power, as well as cost you internet connection minutes.
So you might wonder: hmm! I haven’t used my phone all day! It was plugged in, but the battery is almost dead and I have internet charges. What’s going on???
That’s the (exaggerated) computer version of an empath problem.
An HSP problem would be:
Oh gosh, I got distracted by an unexpected visitor and forgot to plug in my phone. Now the battery is almost dead! And my visitor needed to make a call, but didn’t tell me it would be long-distance, so now I have a big bill for that!
See the difference?
Both scenarios may seem like they just “happen” to you, but both have fixes, just different kinds.
You can stop apps from running in the background, but it takes tech-skills. You can ask people upfront if they’re planning to call long-distance, but it might be an awkward conversation that you’re not used to having. Learning how to do this comfortably can require new social skills and emotional processing skills.
We are all on auto-pilot to some degree. The things that feel out of control in our lives are typically the things that have become autopilot reactions over time. We respond in a particular way, and this gets us particular results. Yet, the mistake that a lot of people understandably make is assuming that because it “just happens” it’s all psychic.
Like your mom who exclaims that the computer just “did” something out of the blue (“it wasn’t her!”), and you’re like “mom, what did you click on, hmm??” (And if you are that mom, the same applies to skills you’re proficient at that newer generations struggle with)
When you know how something works, you can usually figure out why something happens. There is a tangible cause and effect. When you don’t know how something works, it often feels like this thing has some kind of magical power or is just “broken”.
So what can happen is that any area in your life that has to do with people and emotions and overwhelm, can get thrown into the “special empath problems” category. Even if it’s not at all.
The reality is, many empaths need skills on both levels: being bombarded psychically, and also setting sanity-preserving boundaries in a practical, HSP manner. That’s why so many articles on my site apply to both HSPs and empaths.
Whether you have psychic WiFi or not, being able to say “no” when enough is enough, is a crucial skill to have. If you’ve done work in therapy, then you may have most of those HSP skills down already. The reality is, most of us (me included) didn’t learn them way back when we first needed them, and have had to learn them after we graduated and got a job and officially became an adult. (Better late than never!)
So, for example, if you’re a skilled empath who knows all about psychic boundaries, but who lives with a narcissist, then you’re still in trouble. Your special WiFi doesn’t change the fact that -apparently- you’re struggling to leave an abusive and toxic relationship, just like so many non-empaths out there.
Chances are, it’s for the same reasons too. Your problem is not different per se because you are an empath. Sure, if your WiFi is involved, then that can add another dimension to the problem, but it doesn’t make it 100% different from other people struggling in a similar situation.
Thinking that everything about you is different because you are an empath can really get you stuck. It stops you from benefiting from different kinds of help that are available and relevant, even if they’re not tailored to empaths at all.
When I work with empaths, my end-goal is that they know how their WiFi works. So then, they can go to any computer store to inquire about any other computer issues even if that computer store believes WiFi does not exist.
The Programmes I offer on this site are different based on the core problem they solve. Many people I talk to have several of those problems. So it can seem like it’s best to just deal with it all in one big swoop! However, each “problem” is a Pandora’s box of its own.
When you just deal with one box at a time, things remain manageable. But if you’re trying to deal with the fall-out of a narcissistic relationship in-depth and learn empath skills and tackle perfectionism and launch a new dream project… then that’s a recipe for overwhelm.
So experience has taught me to separate different topics into different boxes (and programmes) and deal with one at a time. So I have one box, and programme for “empath stuff and tools“, and one box for “practical perfectionism” and one box for “HSP Comfort starter tips and tools”
All those boxes are designed to solve different problems and meet you at different places.
Helping you learn new skills works best when you’re really motivated to tackle a particular problem or source of overwhelm in your life. Change can be hard, so if something is not a big deal (or too big of a deal to look at right now) then it’s best to let it be. By dealing with one box at a time, you make real doable progress in the area that is most important to you right now.
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