The year before I developed severe adrenal fatigue, I had an extremely high academic workload. Not only was I an assistant professor, I also worked on my PHD “on the side”. This meant many, many (way too many!) hours of extreme intellectual focus.
My focus is one of my superpowers, don’t get me wrong. Yet it’s no coincidence that when I developed adrenal fatigue the very first symptom was debilitating migraines (I could no longer focus) and later on, a hazy feeling in my head whenever I tried to read anything, no matter how short a text. There was a period when I could read about 350 words tops, PER DAY. If I tried more, the migraine would take over.
Do you think my body was trying to tell me that I’d overused my focus abilities? Looking back, I think so.
Moreover, the year I became ill had been a very emotional year. Lots of painful things happened. How did I deal with this? Oh sure, I did some crying etc. but overall, I just doubled-down focusing on my work.
It didn’t help that my solution to feeling fearful, was to try my best to keep up at work, by doing my all to focus focus focus. The more out of control my life felt, the more I focused on focusing. Looking back it’s all very “no duh”!
After several (!) years of adrenal fatigue I did not go back to academia. I did however set out on an intuitive/spiritual path. And guess what, this path has it’s own place for focus! Not intellectual focus, but focus of the third eye seeing and “intuitively figuring things out”.
Again, one of my superpowers is to focus intuitively, and figure things out quickly. Over the years, I’ve become more and more aware though of the toll this can take on the body. Not because it’s bad, but because it’s intense.
Having a focus superpower means I need to balance focus with mucking around, pure feeling and doing simple physical chores. If I use my intuitive focus to the max, I could completely burn myself out, just like I did in academia back in 2009.
My body has been very clear about this focus – exhaustion connection. Yet, it took me a very long time to see it clearly. There were too many “what’s wrong with me” and “I should work harder” voices from childhood in the way. I have a mother who pretty much panicked whenever anyone lazed about doing nothing. My dad was glued to his screen all day. That plus a high intellectual workload starting in highschool (I was enrolled in extra programs that looking back, weren’t the best for my general life balance) meant that I’ve been used to pushing myself in the focus department.
Once you take on too much responsibilities that require your focus, it’s hard to give your focus a break. Finding a better balance then requires a serious life overhaul and while I have the guts to do that now, I didn’t have the guts nor insight to do that way back when.
All of this to say: if you have a strong focus, if you’re the kind of person who can study in the park and not get distracted, be kind to your superpower. Know that it needs a break. It’s o.k. to balance it out by doing “dumb stuff” and outdoorsy stuff and letting your mind wander.
When you have a strong focus, it can be like having yourself on a superpower leash. It can end up strangling you. You need to let yourself off the leash everyday and just aimlessly wander. This will keep your superpower strong.
P.S. What helped me most the first months of adrenal fatigue was wandering aimlessly through the city, window shopping. It seemed so odd to me then and makes so much sense now. I would look at shapes, textures, colors, patterns. I was around people without having to do anything. I was walking without going too fast. I was distracted by things I saw and I didn’t have to focus on anything. This kind of aimless walking helped with the anxiety I then felt and it also helped balance out the overfocus. If you have a “strange” way to pass the time, and you have a focus superpower, perhaps your strange hobby makes sense as a focus-counterbalance. Just a perspective to consider!
P.P.S. Do you have a sensitive, intuitive, third eye, exhaustion focus struggle of some sort that you’d like an other set of (third) eyes on to get a new perspective? Set up a Clarity Call with me here.
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